Fifty!

I had just turned fifty, the big five-oh, and life was meant to be fabulous.

“Fifty and fabulous”

That is what I saw plastered across social media.

That’s what it said on my birthday cards.

But I didn’t feel fabulous.  I felt flat.  I felt unmotivated.  I felt meh.

Life was meant to get easier, but instead, it felt harder.

I was in a job I no longer enjoyed.  I felt overworked and underappreciated.

I was nine years post-cancer diagnosis.

My youngest daughter was going through an exhausting custody battle with her narcissistic ex-partner, which was financially crippling and emotionally draining.

My other two daughters had their own dramas, one dealing with her own cancer diagnosis and the other had just lost her job.

My dad had recently been diagnosed with melanoma.

The list went on.  And on.

And I was trying to fix it all.

I was trying to be there physically and emotionally for everyone.

To be the stoic one.

The one to rely on.

To unload on.

To dump on.

Then, I stumbled across this saying online and it hit me.  Hard.

“Sometimes you don’t realise you’re actually drowning when you’re trying to be everyone else’s anchor”

I was trying to be everyone else’s anchor, and I was drowning.

I was floundering.  Not thriving.  Just surviving.

It was at this moment that I realized that I needed to change.

I didn’t want my relationship with my family to change.

I still wanted to be there for them when they needed me.

But I needed my relationship with myself to change.

Whatever You Are Not Changing, You Are Choosing

I needed to change my state.

I needed to change my mindset.

I needed to change my story.

Instead of my state, mindset and story being one of negativity, pessimism and risk aversion, I wanted to change it to one of positivity, optimism and adventure.

If there was one thing I was acutely aware of after a cancer diagnosis is that life is finite.

And here I was, on the other side of fifty.

And I was unsatisfied, unmotivated, unfulfilled, and unhappy with what I had achieved in my fifty years.

I had had so many dreams, ambitions and goals.

And I felt that I hadn’t achieved any of them.

My feelings aren’t to be misinterpreted as regret, or lack of love or connection for my family.

My husband, daughters and grandchildren are my world.

But I had been so busy living my life for everyone else, that I realized I hadn’t lived it for myself.

I was merely existing, moving through my days in monotonous momentum and without any real intention or goals for myself.

I was determined that was going to change.

I needed to refocus and reframe my life.

I needed to rediscover myself.

We Only Live Once.  Wrong.  We Only Die Once.  We Live Everyday

Life is too short not to live it to the fullest.

And the first step to changing my life and doing something purely for myself was to start a blog … to write, to express myself, and even potentially inspire or guide others.

And so here I am, not knowing what I am doing, but choosing to do something for me.

If you can relate, feel stuck or stagnant, uninspired and unmotivated, and know you need to change your state and stop the negative self-talk, then join me on the road to self-discovery.

And discover how to navigate life, and find the right tools and resources necessary to reassess and reawaken your personal growth and improve your overall state, mindset, and story.